Read my story i am a writter

stephenandkasey · 08-30-2007, 08:02 PM

In a small place named alboin their layed a small boy dreaming of greatness of one day beomeing a hero. Some times he drept her was a powerful archer or a noble night. Other times he drept he was a evil wizard or evil knight. But in all his dreams that layed before him he could never imange the destiny that layed before him. One beautiful moring in a small town named oakvale a boy named fable had dozed of into his little fantasy world. His father had woken him up to tell him that he needs to buy his sister theresa a present. But in astonishment his father relized that fable hasn't got his sister a present yet. So his father told him that he's not going to give him the money to buy his sister a present. So his father told him that he is going to have to go around and preform good deeds and he would give him a gold peice for each good deed he does. So the first he met this little girl and she had lost her teddy bear, and she asked him to help her find it an so he agreed. While he was looking her heard a scream from the top of a hill and there was a bully picking on a small child and so fable without action went and hit the bully so hard he broke his nose. After about 1 hour he had ran into a man that need his stuff to be watched so he agreed but here came along the bully with his friends and so they had tryed and hurt fable but we all know that the hero doesn't die. So fable kicked all their ***. So the farmer came back and fable told him what had happened. He was very grateful and gave fable a small prize in a bag and said that not to open it until he is 18 and able to weild a sword. So he hid it oakvale where noone could find for 10 years. Ok back to the story. As fable was walking home to get the gold he has earned he ran into the little girl and gave her the bear. When he was done he heard some nosies comeing from the back ally and it was to manger of the sword shop and the manger of the items shop he ran and told the mangers wife and she had ran up there and she was holerin and cursein like crazy. She was happy to tell fable about the good deed he had preformed so she did.when he got back to his house his father gave him the gold he promised. He had ran down and bought the chocalates from the trader and took the choclates to his sister. She had a bad feeling and told fable to stop and hide and then all of a sudden a man ran in to oak vale from barrowfield and was shot with and arrow out came bandits. She told him to hide she ran home to to tell there mom and dad.

Hexadecimal · 08-30-2007, 08:16 PM

Thread moved to Fable FanFiction

Ravager_X · 10-26-2007, 12:09 AM

Ummmmm, the story had potential, but there were many grammatical errors, and the story didn't flow. Also never say "Ok back to the story." No offense but I am pretty sure you are not a writer

Negabin · 11-05-2007, 10:36 AM

wow.um.you know whatmjust-wow.you really need to check your spelling dude.

Negabin · 11-05-2007, 12:17 PM

and you spelled albion wrong.

chriskw182 · 11-25-2007, 06:58 PM

yeah this is just like the very beginning of the game
not very good, sorry
all you did was talk about what you had to do at the beginning

xxrevanxx · 08-18-2008, 02:35 AM

Wow.... not trying to be mean but..... didn't understand a word of it.

deathtomacbeth · 08-25-2008, 07:45 PM

Dude, sounds like something I wrote in 3rd grade journal time.
Not trying to be mean or frontin' or anything but yea...

Blue Will · 08-25-2008, 11:58 PM

You say you are a writer, I thought writers are meant to be able to spell and write grammatically correct without problems. I have just finished my English GCSE (got a B) and even i know that your sentences are waay to long, some of them, there isn't much punctuation and the sentences don't flow. It's like, "he did this" "then he did this" "after he did this" not very gripping. I like my stories and I am sorry i have been harsh but i have to agree with the other guys.

But think about it and come back again.

Corrupt_hobb · 08-26-2008, 12:15 AM

Very original....

deathtomacbeth · 08-26-2008, 12:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Corrupt_hobb

Very original....

I believe they should turn this script into a video game, and base it off making choices and there consequences!
Eh, eh?!

Lupus · 08-26-2008, 02:01 AM

Ok enough sarcasm lets all be honest with ourselves....This is not a story it's a block (ever heard of paragraphs?) of mispellings, incorrect grammar and punctuation! The story itself is a shameful copy of that of Fable (which in my opinion is a great story if the beginning is a bit generic of Fantasy stories) please do not post Fan Fiction that hasn't been spell-checked and that you yourself would happily read. I understand that maybe you do not speak English well or struggle with writing but even then a PM to someone who has previously posted good Stories would surely not cause any trouble if it is to improve your own writing (am i making sense i dont know anymore =P )
Overall take on board that writing may not be for you and if you are adamant it is (which it may be) then take on board the criticism.

thank You

(Lupus is back boys(and girls....and misc. =D)

Avatar of Evil · 08-30-2008, 01:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue Will

You say you are a writer, I thought writers are meant to be able to spell and write grammatically correct without problems. I have just finished my English GCSE (got a B) and even i know that your sentences are waay to long, some of them, there isn't much punctuation and the sentences don't flow. It's like, "he did this" "then he did this" "after he did this" not very gripping. I like my stories and I am sorry i have been harsh but i have to agree with the other guys.

But think about it and come back again.

No, he said he is a writter, whatever that is.

Darg · 08-30-2008, 06:09 AM

As much as I'd like to be bitter, let me point out that he is a writer. Well, anyone can write if they put their mind to it. It doesn't mean they'll be necessarily good at it, but one can try at the very least.

Lupus · 08-30-2008, 06:52 PM

Thank you Darg echoing my thoughts exactly =D The attempt may be poor and i'm sure the writer knows that but if he can recieve criticism and maybe even discouragment from writing further in a positive manner then im sure it would be better both for him and any future works if he does have his heart set on writing. So just keep at least some positive and helpful criticism (even if that is to try his hand at something other than writing) within all of the sarcasm.