The Orphan's Gemstone.

[Tsuyu]

This is pretty much a rough cut of my story, sort of an introduction to the main character and trying to create the general feel of the different social aspects of Bowerstone. I will write alot more, and I will probably change alot in this introduction... but anyway, here we go! As I suck as a writer (ask my Swedish teacher..) any feedback is most welcome.

The Orphan’s Gemstone

She has never had a name. Nor has she never been a “someone”. Just like a stray dog she was a pitiful and undesired part of society that nobody bothered with, everyone just… accepted it. That’s how it has been during the 12 past years that made up her life so far. Like a natural part of the scenery. It wasn’t so bad, she thought. She didn’t mind being alone. But while the adults left her alone, the children could be a lot crueler. Her messy and tangled red hair made the other girls consider her a fair target for their cruel games. The boys usually beat her up; pulling her hair and the like. She preferred the treatment she got from the boys over that of the girls…

The rugged, crudely patched together crate behind Mr Brown’s shop was her home. It was cold, damp and when it was raining it didn’t provide much more shelter than if she were to stand in the street. But it was something, it was her home. The planks were full of burn marks from the time some of the school children put them on fire. Mr Brown replaced the planks that were hit the worst by the fire. While she escaped the flames, her shirt was badly burnt. Mr Brown had also given her a new shirt a couple of days later. It was a nice shirt, and while it was clearly one of his old shirts, and more than a little too big for her, it was obvious that someone had made a clumsy attempt at modifying it to her size. She liked Mr Brown, while he never spoke to her, or gave her anything on a regular basis; he was the closest thing she had to a family.

One time, he came out late one evening carrying some left-over pieces of his dinner. Slowly he made his way across the dimly lit street from the front door of his house to his store; the two buildings were on the opposite side of the street. He stopped before approaching the gate to the yard were he kept the crates and turned his head to each side, carefully looking if someone would be walking down the street . When he was satisfied that nobody was looking, he smiled at her, his old wrinkled face brightened up with his frizzy moustache looking like some fuzzy butterfly larva in contrast to his bald head. He reached for the handle to the gate, turned the squeaking, rusty old handle and opened it. Just as she was to take the plate from his outstretched arms, the voices of two men and a woman were heard from up the street. They were chatting loudly and laughing in the care free manner people from the north of Bowerstone often did. It was the mayor and two of her guards, and they startled Mr Brown who dropped the plate and made his way back across the street, opening the door to his house and slamming it behind him as quickly as he could. The mayor, who was clearly a lot sober than her male companions turned her head towards the door as it slammed shut, then quickly turned her head towards the girl, giving her a cold stare that chilled the little girl to the bones as they walked past her. Meanwhile, the potatoes and the slice of ham had fallen into a puddle of mud on the ground. To anyone else they would’ve looked like food not even good enough to feed one's pigs. But she didn’t care. The cold, wet potatoes and ham were the tastiest food she had ever eaten…



Contiued in a post a bit further down

[AeonicBloodline]

Wow, really good. You got Lady Grey down. So is the girl the Hero or does he/she come later?

[Tsuyu]

Originally Posted by AeonicBloodline

Wow, really good. You got Lady Grey down. So is the girl the Hero or does he/she come later?

Thanks. Yeah she is pretty much the ..uh.. heroine(not the drug...).

[Dark Drakan]

Nice descriptions, settings, mood and character set up you have going there Tsuyu. Thats a great start i must say +rep

[Tsuyu]

Originally Posted by Dark Drakan

Nice descriptions, settings, mood and character set up you have going there Tsuyu. Thats a great start i must say +rep

Ahh.. why thank you Drakan.

[AeonicBloodline]

Oh, okay. Anyway, it's really good. Hope to see more.

[Tsuyu]

Originally Posted by AeonicBloodline

Oh, okay. Anyway, it's really good. Hope to see more.

Here is "part two". Not really part two, it is the same "chapter" as the previous text, but it won't let me put it all in one post.


She stormed into the room, kicking the doors to her bed chamber open. The smell of roses and the welcoming warmth of the fireplace licked her body. She took two deep breaths of the lovely air before her thoughts returned to her beer drenched dress. The fool. He made a good guard, but he can’t handle alcohol. When they separated he insisted to salute her, with the hand he was holding the half-full mug of beer, splashing it all over the side of his face and onto her dress. She hated alcohol. It is below her, reserved for the mongrels down in South Bowerstone. Pathetic fools, living out their miserable lives and wasting them in the bottom of a bottle, only to die and be forgotten by everyone and in the eyes of history. Like vermin. The sharp smell of alcohol from her dress brought her back from her thoughts. Infuriated, both at the inconvenience of the smell and at her for letting herself slip away in thought, she ripped it from her body. It was a nice dress, made from thin fine silk so to her surprise it ripped apart quite easily. She was a bit bothered at first; it was indeed a nice dress and she went through quite some trouble to purchase it. But it was befouled now. Infected with filth. She threw it in the fireplace, and to her surprise it made the flames burst through the air around the fireplace for a brief moment. It was very satisfying; the flames lit the room for a few seconds, piercing through the dark. It was a circular room within the west tower of her manor; it was the most secluded room in the whole manor. It was her sanctuary, laced with the finest silk and artwork imaginable. She had the maids clean it at least five times a day. One time a maid accidentally spilled some charcoal from the fireplace out on the polished stone floor. The lousy woman didn’t even notice it, and she had been severely punished for it. She remembers the whipping and how the blood shot high up in the air. She smiled at the scene in her mind. She was once again taken from her dreaming, but this time by a cold breeze from an open window. She then discovered that she was naked.

She walked towards the open window, angry that someone had forgotten to close it. And that someone was going to pay. She had taken a few determined steps when she happened upon her full-body mirror by the wall next to the window. She stopped and looked upon the beautiful woman that looked back at her. Perfectly cut and managed shoulder-length blonde hair. A face so perfect that the not even the finest artists in whole of Albion could make a statute or painting to capture it, and in her face two eyes, coloured with the deepest blue as if pieces of the sky had given them their colour. Chest and breasts perfectly sculptured, without a single liver-spot or birthmark to ruin her smooth, pale skin. Like the first snow to fall the first day of winter. Her waist hips and thighs also perfect. Long slender legs ending with equally beautiful feet and toes, each toenail perfectly shaped and painted. Yes, she was indeed the most beautiful woman in Bowerstone, Oakvale…. In the whole of Albion! She let her hands run down her face, down to her chest, running between her breasts and down her stomach and on to her waist, putting each hand on her sides. Then along came another chilly breeze, chilling her to the bone and making her legs feel weak, almost bringing her to her knees. And to her horror, the beautiful woman in the mirror began to change. First in her face, her eyes lost their spark and became dim, her nose became crocked and warts sprung forth, first on her nose then all over her face. Her hair became black as deepest night, and the woman in the mirror began frantically pull it out, leaving huge bald spots on her head. Her stomach and breasts withered, hanging down like lumps of rotten flesh. Then the woman’s nails grew longer and yellow until they finally came lose leaving big gashing wounds on hands and feet. Then the background of the mirror changed. She was now in a shack made out of planks, some of which were burnt. She recognized the shack – it was that of the girl from earlier this evening. Lice and other insects began crawling on the woman in the mirror, biting and digging into her flesh leaving gashing wounds oozing of puss. She could not take it anymore, she fell down on her knees, holding her forehead in her hands and let out a inhuman shriek that echoed through the empty halls of the manor. The image in the mirror faded and all was quiet apart from the sound of tears hitting the cold stone floor.

*Contiued on Page 2*

[AeonicBloodline]

Damn. That's fantastic. You have got to keep it up, this is fine writing.

P.S. I know what you mean about the posting, I had to put my first chapter into two posts, and I barely made that.

[Tsuyu]

Originally Posted by AeonicBloodline

Damn. That's fantastic. You have got to keep it up, this is fine writing.

P.S. I know what you mean about the posting, I had to put my first chapter into two posts, and I barely made that.

Aaaahh thanks. Would you mind backing my up to my teacher in the future?

[AeonicBloodline]

Originally Posted by Tsuyu

Aaaahh thanks. Would you mind backing my up to my teacher in the future?

Haha, somehow, I don't think he/she would really care about my opinion.

[Vegeta]

Wow nice detail and not a single spelling error. Perfect.

[Tsuyu]

Originally Posted by Vegeta

Wow nice detail and not a single spelling error. Perfect.

Thanks Vegeta.

I'll probably be done with the next part later today.

[Vegeta]

Thats good can't wait for more.

[droded]

Not a single error eh? Are you really Swedish? +Rep brother.

[Tsuyu]

Originally Posted by droded

Not a single error eh? Are you really Swedish? +Rep brother.

Heh, thanks droded. Well yeah, the spelling comes sorta naturally. I'm more worried about the grammar than spelling, I tend to confuse myself when writing alot of text like this, messing up alot with the grammar.