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the crafty rogue
Old 07-15-2007, 12:30 AM   #1
andythegill
 
Location: 'round n about
Posts: 1,186
the crafty rogue

Twas a midsummer evening near the stroke of dawn, no person be found, farmers shopkeepers bartenders, none to meet. Then a smash of a window disturbed it all, outcome the guards bearing swords ready to maul, no person be found, no thief to strike, the guards fall back, uttering no sound. Yet the rogue being crafty hid by a wall, leaping out startling them all, bearing a knife he cut down them all, killing the guards like nothing at all. Deed done, he banished his blade, walked into the shop not intending to pay, outcomes a bag, pocketing it all, laughs at misfortune, grieving and
all. As all be looted he strolled out the shop, leaving a note, carved on a rock,

The note was encrypted "I am the assassin, bringer of death, taker of gold whom leaves nothing left, out I walk, not stopping to talk, I am the rogue from hell"

what did you think?
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Re: the crafty rogue
Old 07-15-2007, 01:57 AM   #2
Dark Drakan
 
Location: Staffordshire England
Posts: 14,467
Re: the crafty rogue

Didnt make much sense to me but ok attempt.
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Re: the crafty rogue
Old 07-15-2007, 11:57 AM   #3
andythegill
 
Location: 'round n about
Posts: 1,186
Re: the crafty rogue

well i tried
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Re: the crafty rogue
Old 07-15-2007, 05:21 PM   #4
fablefreak323
 
Posts: 202
Re: the crafty rogue

A couple of the parts weren't needed.. Such as "Out I walk, not stopping to talk."

Also, it didn't need to rhyme

But all in all it was a nice little story +rep
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Re: the crafty rogue
Old 07-15-2007, 05:30 PM   #5
TRA Rotid
 
Location: Depth of field
Posts: 1,017
Re: the crafty rogue

I liked it... don`t now why though.
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Re: the crafty rogue
Old 07-20-2007, 02:57 AM   #6
black.
 
Location: uh, my house.....
Posts: 613
Re: the crafty rogue

uummm....yea.....
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Re: the crafty rogue
Old 07-20-2007, 03:47 AM   #7
ninjasouth
 
Location: Not where you live
Posts: 278
Re: the crafty rogue

cool...u did better thatn me on my tale of twinblade
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Re: the crafty rogue
Old 07-20-2007, 04:50 PM   #8
LionHeadTex
 
Location: Philly.
Posts: 642
Re: the crafty rogue

I liked it, I really did. But is this was a poem, you need to space each rythm. Not only that, but it seems you're making the Assassin more of a warrior. Assassins climb on buildings, they blend with the shadow and they refrain from killing anyone except their target. Also, you should empasize more of how Assassins kill the rich, they don't really kill just anyone. They also steal. Make them more of people who focus on one thing rather than doing all these different things.

If you wanted the Assassin to encounter enemies, by all means. But you need to put a reason in why. Why did he get caught? From what I know, rogues refrain from getting caught.

Aside from that, it has a good rhyme, and I think you pulled it off nicely.

+Rep
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Re: the crafty rogue
Old 07-20-2007, 04:51 PM   #9
black.
 
Location: uh, my house.....
Posts: 613
Re: the crafty rogue

dude, this guy^^is a master assassin, so I'd listen to him
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Re: the crafty rogue
Old 07-20-2007, 06:57 PM   #10
andythegill
 
Location: 'round n about
Posts: 1,186
Re: the crafty rogue

im a master warrior if i wanna hide ill do so behind a guy then rip him to shreds
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Re: the crafty rogue
Old 07-20-2007, 07:12 PM   #11
black.
 
Location: uh, my house.....
Posts: 613
Re: the crafty rogue

^^not a bad idea
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