Jokes Page 10

Dead Ratz · 03-27-2007, 07:11 PM

.... i dont really get that last joke .....

loony ninja · 04-21-2007, 05:02 PM

A blonde woman is driving along a country road, out in rolling hills of the Midwest, when she sees some movement off in the distance. As she gets closer, she realizes that it is another blonde woman in a rowboat in the middle of a field rowing the boat like crazy.

She stops her car at the side of the road and gets out. She yells out to the blonde in the rowboat, "What the &$%# are you doing?" The blonde in the boat, obviously flustered, yells back, "I have got to hurry up and get home in time for dinner or I will be in real trouble!"

The blonde at the side of the road is aggravated. "I can't believe this! You are out in the middle of a field in a row boat! It's blondes like you that give blondes like me a bad name! In fact, if I could swim, I would swim out there and kick your butt!"

FableFreak · 04-21-2007, 05:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by loony ninja

A blonde woman is driving along a country road, out in rolling hills of the Midwest, when she sees some movement off in the distance. As she gets closer, she realizes that it is another blonde woman in a rowboat in the middle of a field rowing the boat like crazy.

She stops her car at the side of the road and gets out. She yells out to the blonde in the rowboat, "What the &$%# are you doing?" The blonde in the boat, obviously flustered, yells back, "I have got to hurry up and get home in time for dinner or I will be in real trouble!"

The blonde at the side of the road is aggravated. "I can't believe this! You are out in the middle of a field in a row boat! It's blondes like you that give blondes like me a bad name! In fact, if I could swim, I would swim out there and kick your butt!"

...Right... Is there even anything to "get" in that joke?

loony ninja · 04-21-2007, 07:00 PM

My bad, I wasn't paying attention when I posted it and I didn't pick up on it the first time around when it was sent to me. Where it says 'middle of a field' it's actually supposed to be a 'sea of wheat'. I'd originally heard the joke years ago but was a little different from this one... Just put that craptacular posting down to a short attention span and lack of sleep.

Ok this time I'm paying attention to what I'm posting. I promise!

One day a big Indian Chief goes to his local pharmacy. He goes up to the clerk and says, "Last night me f*** squaw, left nut go 'oomph', right nut go 'oomph', dick go 'oomph', condom go BOOM!"
Now the clerk was quite impressed by this sexual feat so he grabbed some Trojans for professionals and tells the Chief to come back and tell him how they work for him.
The next day, the big Chief comes back to the pharmacy, goes right up to the clerk and gruffly says, "Last night me f*** squaw, left nut go 'oomph', right nut go 'oomph', dick go 'oomph', condom go BOOM!"

The clerk thinks to himself, "Damn, this guy must have some kind of super ejaculation going on." So he goes into the back of the store and gets a prototype condom for the Chief. The description on the box reads, "This is a joint effort between Goodyear and Michelin. This condom is steel belted and should only be used in extreme circumstances." The clerk hands the condom to the Chief and tells him about the special condoms, and to report back to him on how well they work for him.

The next day, the Chief comes back on crutches with a shotgun under his arm. He storms up to the clerk. The clerk is thinking, "Oh s**t! The condom must not have worked and he's really p***ed."
The Chief looks at the clerk and yells, "Last night me f*** squaw!! Left nut go 'oomph', right nut go 'oomph', dick go 'oomph, condom go 'oomph, left nut go 'BOOM'!"

Dead Ratz · 05-08-2007, 05:07 PM

rofl

haha

andythegill · 05-08-2007, 06:03 PM

i got one its like a story

I was living with my future wife and her family, i loved my soon to be wife and she loved me and they're family accepted us together but her little 16 year old sister seemed to be giving me signals like bending over infront of me and flirting etc. One day, 2 days before the wedding i was alone in the kitchen with the little sister when she suddenly tore of all her cloths, ran up stairs and said im going to bed feel free to join me, hearing this i ran straight to the my car but as i opened the door there was my father in law, with out stretched arms, tears in his eyes saying you passd the test welcome to out family , son
the moral of the story KEEP YOUR CONDOMS IN YOUR CAR

Walker · 05-09-2007, 12:53 AM

A large group of people-- a nerd, a bunch of geeks, a swarm of techs, and a programmer walk into a bar in the red-light district.

The techs toss their coffee cups and donut boxes in the trash, go over to the bar, and settle in for a long night of swilling.

The programmer goes and sits at the table, orders a mug of beer, and begins to nurse it, all alone.

The geeks go up to the bar, get sodas, and go to play pool, gibbering incomprehensibly to each other.

The nerd looks up from his book and looks frantically around.

"****! This isn't the sci-fi convention!"

(Um... I just realized... that wasn't funny. Can anyone think of something for the nerd to say that makes it so? I suddenly realized that I should stick to trying (and failing) to write sci-fi and fantasy...)

(Note: in this instance, techs=lighting and sound and stage/TV techs.)

droded · 05-09-2007, 01:10 AM

I thought it was funny Walker.

+Rep

Walker · 05-09-2007, 02:04 AM

I am astounded. Am I funnier than I thought, your taste horrible, or you trying to make me feel all warm and fuzzy?

(Thanks for the reputation, by the way.)

FableFreak · 05-09-2007, 03:37 AM

Whats the only part of a vegetable you can't eat?

Warning, this is a spoiler!

loony ninja · 05-09-2007, 06:58 AM

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager." Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager.
In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?"
"Sam," the man moaned.
"Where ya from, Sam?"
With pain in his voice Sam replied "The balcony."

FableFreak · 05-09-2007, 07:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by loony ninja

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager." Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager.
In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?"
"Sam," the man moaned.
"Where ya from, Sam?"
With pain in his voice Sam replied "The balcony."

Heard that one before... You get it off Ebaumsworld?

loony ninja · 05-09-2007, 09:31 AM

Nope, it was passed on to me by someone else.

Walker · 05-09-2007, 03:50 PM

I actually think someone already said it in this thread.

FableFreak · 05-10-2007, 05:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Walker

I actually think someone already said it in this thread.

You know I think you're right. I think (by think I mean know) it was me...

Quote:

Originally Posted by FableFreak

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager." Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?" "Sam," the man moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" With pain in his voice Sam replied "The balcony."

I quoted myself, this is off page 3.

Quote:

Originally Posted by loony ninja

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager." Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager.
In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?"
"Sam," the man moaned.
"Where ya from, Sam?"
With pain in his voice Sam replied "The balcony."

Yours...