Jokes

[FableFreak]

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN...
compliment her,
cuddle her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
stroke her,
tease her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hug her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine & dine her,
buy things for her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
support her,
go to the ends of the earth for her....

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN...
show up naked,
bring beer.

[Albion Knight]

Truer words have not been spoken

[Albion Knight]

An oldy but goody

Black Box voice recorders for Pick Up Trucks SUV's

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had
covertly funded a project with the U.S. auto makers for the past 5
years, whereby the auto makers were installing black-box voice recorders
in four-wheel drive pickup trucks and SUV's. This was an effort to
determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances of the last 15 seconds
before a crash.

They were surprised to find in 41 of the 50 states that this is in, 61.2%
of
fatal crashes the recorded last words of drivers were, "Oh Sh** !!!".

Only the states of Alabama, Mississippi , Georgia , Kentucky ,
Tennessee , and South Carolina were different, where 89.3% of the final
words were: "Hold my beer, I'm gonna
try something."

[Albion Knight]

The Top 20 Rejected Names for Windows Vista


20 Windows XPalidocious
19 MS-DOS v9.0
18 Windows BORG: Resistance is Futile
17 Windoops!...We did it again.
16 Windows OS-Venti


15 Windows: Tokyo Drift
14 iWindows iPod Edition (Not affiliated with Apple. Not for use on iPods.)
13 Windows Vespa
12 Windo@^Hfg%~ C:\>
11 Suck on This, Judge Thomas Penfield Jackson!


10 Windows Mounds o' Code
9 New Honey Nut Windows
8 Microsoft CashCow
7 Microsoft Bob X-Treme
6 Windows CSI: Redmond

5 Professor W. Indows' Miracle Bloatware Tonic
4 Winux
3 Windows Harvard Tuition Fund For Bill's Progeny From Years 3001-4000 A.D.
2 Windows TP

and the Number 1 Rejected Name for Windows Vista...

Warning, this is a spoiler!

#1 W1nd0wZ l33t pWns U, S73\/3 J0bz!

[Hexadecimal]

[Albion Knight]

A joke from my daughter

Her: Knock Knock
Me: Who's there?
Her: Fable
Me: Fable who?
Her: Blooooooooood!

[Mike398214]

What does Michael Jackson and a plastic bag have in common?













...They're both made out of plastic, and dangerous around children

[droded]

Originally Posted by Albion Knight

A joke from my daughter

Her: Knock Knock
Me: Who's there?
Her: Fable
Me: Fable who?
Her: Blooooooooood!

!

I guess she takes after Daddy!

[Albion Knight]

Fable school teacher "It's raises one spirits to see a hero take such a keen interest in education"
My daughter: "I don't, I just found it"

[FableFreak]

White House 2008

One sunny day in 2008, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench.

He spoke to the Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton ." The Marine replied, "Sir, Mrs. Clinton is not President and doesn't reside here." The old man said, "Okay," and walked away.

The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton".

The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mrs. Clinton is not President and doesn't reside here." The man thanked him and again walked away..

The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton."

The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mrs. Clinton. I've told you already several times that Mrs. Clinton is not the President and doesn't reside here. Don 't you understand?"

The old man answered, "Oh, I understand you fine, I just love hearing your answer!"

[Albion Knight]

A joke by Bill Kirchenbauer

The worlds most hated musical instrument is the bag pipes. It's as if a bunch of Scottish guys were sitting around when one of them said (to be read in a Scottish accent)
"We need to create some sort of obnoxious musical instrument. Something that will reeeally make people angry. Let's see what happens when we blow into the vacuum."

[Devalion]

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end
up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly
teddy bears. Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on
the top shelf along the wall.

The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy
bears, especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side. She turns to him... they kiss... and then they rip each other's clothes off and make hot steamy love.

After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks, smiling,
"Well, how was it?"


He responds:

















"Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."


wakka wakka wakka

[FableFreak]

There is a jokes thread you know... and a tavern cellar if you still feel the need for a thread of your own...

[Dark Drakan]

Originally Posted by FableFreak

There is a jokes thread you know... and a tavern cellar if you still feel the need for a thread of your own...

Thread Merged with jokes thread

[biggz]

This isnt mine (Carlos Mencia's)

(Scottish accent) When a dog comes up to sniff your balls and she says "AIEE! DONT YOU EVER WASH THOSE LADDIE!!!" but what the dog really want is a broad to come up to him and sniff his shilaelae (dont know how to spell ) and say "HEY, THOSE ARE SOME LUCKY CHARMS YOU GOT THERE" (pause with laughing) "THEY'RE MAGICALY DELICOUS!!!"

Carlos Mencias Joke #2

"After 9-11 George Bush came out just like the guy who played frodo in the one movie everlasting(can't remember sorry ) george bush was all like "we will find the people who planned to destroy the WTC, we will find who looked at them, talked to them, breathed on them etc..." But right after that Iran called us up and said "How may will help you my friends? oh...earlier today?.....Oh we're talking smack on the internet last night!....We're very sorry we try to make a joke we not very funny....." But the war on terrorism was all like we're getting ready to go just like a little kid thats going to the zoo, what seemed like a few minutes later, the troops were already over there! But since it seems like it just a run and go thing, the army needs people like us (carlos then pointed to himself XD)when the US got to the border or Iraq they're all like "Hi can we come over to Iraq?" But if the government didnt give the so called 'freedom' of shooting and arresting illegal aliens that just walts over the border, we could've had the war and in like 2005 or something cause we'd sneak over to their HQ and take of the chains and tires for their tanks then they'd be all like "WTF happened to our tanks!!! Get the general on the radio......THEY TOOK THE FREAKIN RADIO?!?!?!?!?!"