[fablefreak323]

thats cool

[Rhadiel]

Alright guys, I FINALLY got Microsoft Word back on my computer, so I can start typing my book. But, I don't know how many pages it will be...i plan on making 3 books only.

[Rhadiel]

Great news guys. After several very long months of thinking,I decided to start the first chapter in the book. So far, I have about 2 pages(I plan on having 12 pages...depends...). anyway, later tonight I'll post the first page of chapter 1, that way, u can give me some feedback on what u think about it, and wat u think could be changed. so check back later and will be up.

[Rhadiel]

As promised the first page is here for your veiwing, I also added in the second page, which i recently finished. give me some feed back.

The Lords of Elonan

The Breaking

1

The wind outside that night whipped and howled as a storm slowly brewed. The sky turned a dark, mystic purple. As the clouds blackened, freezing rain befell upon the rooftops of Herial Manor. A young man, no older than 17 stared out of his bed chamber window, as he stared at his reflection in the cold window pane...He started to observe his features carefully, his long blonde hair, was tied into a ponytail, with his bangs folding over his forehead. He stared directly into his own, dark, hazel eyes. He never took much time into actually looking at himself, unlike his self obsessed older brother, Dyceguard, who took more time into checking himself out then training. Like his brother even needed trainings anyway, a regular prodigy he was, always the best. He hated it...don’t get him wrong, he loves his brothers dearly, he just was always in his two older brothers shadows...Lexan, his second oldest brother, had always cared for him, and watched his train, and even taught him skills of his own....
A knock on his bed room door, disrupted his thoughts. He paused...”Who is it?” he asked. After a few moments, he heard a reply, “It’s me, my young master.” he heard a familiar voice call out. It was his fathers’ caretaker, Jenkins. “Come on in” he said. The large wooden doors to his room quickly opened. “Rhadiel, there seems to be a problem with dinner sir, one of the chefs has become ill, and”- Rhadiel cut him short, “It’s alright Jenkins, I’m not hungry anyway, just bring me up a glass of juice would you please?”
Jenkins immediately complied, “Sure thing my young master, right away.” Jenkins then walked out of the room, and closed the chamber doors behind him. Rhadiel turned back to the window, and a bright flash of lightning struck and light up the dark, night sky. The storm outside seemed to calm a little, but just a bit, only the rain had slowed...A couple minuets later, which seemed like hours, Jenkins arrived once more, and walked into Rhadiels’ bed chamber, with a large goblet of grape juice in his hand.
“Here you go my young master, everyone else is asleep, so I best stay up and take care”- Once again, Rhadiel interrupted him with a raised hand, “It’s alright, I’m heading to bed after I finish this” he took the goblet. “You best do the same Jenkins, It’s late, just head to bed.” he told him. “Thank you Rhadiel, then I shall be in my quarters then. Good night.” Jenkins told him. “Night” Rhadiel replied. He looked down into his globlet..the dark purple liquid sat calmly...”Grape Juice...” Rhadiel said, he never really cared for the juice, but, he didn’t really care as of now. He tipped the cup onto his lips, and drank slowly. He stared out into the storm, and he drank some more...Once he finished, he set the glass down on the rose wood counter, and walked over to his drawers. He changed into night clothes, putting on a royal blue set of pajamas, and long blue night cloak. He hopped into bed, and pulled his heavy, warm, ruby red covers over him, and stared up at the ceiling....His thoughts wandered...he begins training at the academy tomorrow.

Page 2

St. Galgoros Cadet Academy, from there on out, he will be sparing and training with many people he has never known before, all except his good friend, Seth of course. Seths’ family was the Herial’s stable caretakers. They may be not of noble blood, but Rhadiels’ family made them feel right at home. Seth had gotten into the academy with Rhadiel on his father, Barbaneths’ behalf, as his father was good friends with the Headmaster...He thought no more of the academy, but tried to get to sleep, the storm outside must be keeping him awake. He got up out of his bed, and walked over to the window once more, and closed the curtains, so there would be less light. Just before he closed the curtains, he thought he saw a small light down near the coasts edge, he shook of the thought and headed back to bed...but it kept bothering him, he kept thinking that it could be some thieves or rebels who set up camp down near the coast...if so...the family could be easily picked off while they sleep...Rhadiel tried to stop thinking about it, and slowly, but surely, fell asleep....
Rhadiel lay in his bed, fast asleep, as his caretaker; Jenkins walked into his chambers, and quietly opened up the curtains to the window. Light shined into the room, the sudden brightness awoke Rhadiel, and he slowly sat up in his bed, and yawned as he tried to keep his eyes open. “Good morning, young master” Jenkins greeted him cheerfully. “Morning Jenks” Rhadiel said somnolently. “What time is it?” he asked...”Time for you to get up and ready, you need to go to the Academy: Jenkins told him quickly. At those words, Rhadiel jumped out of his bed, and took of his night clothes and threw them to Jenkins. “Would you please take those and put them in the hamper?” Rhadiel asked, as he put on his clothes. “Will do my boy.” and Jenkins left the room. Rhadiel rushed out of his bed chamber, he sported a new, royal blue jacket with his family crest on it; a gold griffin with twin swords. A pair of black leggings, long leather boots, with metal knee guards on them, and his sword rest in his gloved hand. He hurried down the hall, to Seth’s room. He knocked...no answer...he opened the door slightly, and peeked inside, he wasn’t there. “Damn” he said. Rhadiel ran down to the main hall, and surely enough, Seth was waiting there for him.
Seth was wearing his normal training clothes, a ruby red shirt, with thick leather protection pads fitted to it. A pair of red leggings, and long brown leather boots, similar to Rhadiels, and his sword in it’s sheathe. “Hey” Seth said calmly. “Hi” Rhadiel said back. “So you read to get going?” Rhadiel asked. “I should be asking you that” Seth replied humorously. They laughed slightly. Seth leaned up against the door, his brown hair slicked back, in a noble fashion. Rhadiel noticed Seth’s eyes look behind Rhadiel, and Rhadiel turned around to see what he was looking at. Rhadiel’s older brother, Lexan, was walking down the hall, towards them. His brother red hair was cut low, and trimmed in a royal style. His goatee was trimmed as well. Rhadiel smirked, his brother always liked to kick ***, and look good, doing it. “Morning you too” Lexan said, with a grin on his face. “Hey” Rhadiel and Seth said in unison. “Well, you two better get going, the Academy starts in a little while” Lexan suggested. Rhadiel and Seth looked at each other; they both nodded, and turned to leave. As they walked out the large wooden doors, leading out to the main gate, Rhadiel turned to wave goodbye to his brother. Lexan stood, leaning against the door, and returned the gesture. Rhadiel and Seth walked quickly out the main gates, and into the woods path, leading into town, to head to the academy.

[Angel]

Thanks for the reminder Rhadiel - and I'm liking this a lot. Double check your history - dunno what era you are basing all this on but were there drinking glasses (for the juice he ordered) or goblets/tankards instead? If in doubt put cup - I always do

Might sound like a petty small thing but to the anal reader like me that would stick out instantly

This really is very good and I genuinely would like to read more if you are willing to post it on here

[Rhadiel]

Originally Posted by Angel

Thanks for the reminder Rhadiel - and I'm liking this a lot. Double check your history - dunno what era you are basing all this on but were there drinking glasses (for the juice he ordered) or goblets/tankards instead? If in doubt put cup - I always do

Might sound like a petty small thing but to the anal reader like me that would stick out instantly

This really is very good and I genuinely would like to read more if you are willing to post it on here

thx Angel, and I change the glass to goblet lol. and sure, once I finish up on the next 1 or 2 pages ill post them, but i dont plan on posting more then one chapter

[Rhadiel]

oddly enuff...i chose to rewrite chapter 1 completely. i havent even worked on the book since i last posted something about it. i rewrote some of it last night. i think its better than the first.

The Lords of Elonan

The Breaking

1

The sun brightly lit the sky as it rose out from beyond the horizon. The sky was alight with streaks scarlet and orange and the sea calm and so flat you’d think it were made of glass. Along the shore front lies a very steep, very tall cliff. Atop the cliff, sits an enormous manor, towering above the clouds. From one of windows of the manor, a young man named Rhadiel stares out into the sun rise. His hazel eyes are fixed upon the golden sight before him. His head is resting on his hands, and he yawns as he moves away from the window. “I don’t know why Lexan wants me up so early” he says to himself, sleepily. He walks over to his dresser, and picks out some clothes. He quickly changes, and then goes to make his bed. Rhadiel pulls the emerald green covers over nicely, and sets his bed up so it was like he was never in it. He stands back to admire his handiwork. There’s a knock on the doors.
“Who is it?” Rhadiel asks. “Lexan” a familiar voice answers. “Come in” he says. The large wooden doors to the room both creak open, as his older brother Lexan walks into his room. His long black cloak is gliding along the floor behind him. “I hope you slept well?” Lexan asks. Rhadiel sat on the end of his bed, “Yeah, I slept alright” Lexan walks over to the window; he has an almost happy look on his normally hardened face.
Rhadiel stood up, and walked over towards the window as well. Next to Lexan, he feels relatively short. Lexan is nearly a whole head taller than himself, and Rhadiel is fairly tall himself. “You want to know why I wanted you up early” Lexan said. That was more of a statement, not a question. “I wanted you up early, so I can help you a bit before you go to the Academy.” Rhadiel had an eager look in his eyes. “Help me with what?” he asked. Lexan look down at him, their eyes met, and he simply said “You’ll find out tomorrow. Come down to the large old oak tree near the edge of the woods at noon.” He strolled out of the room, and waved goodbye, and closed the doors behind quickly him. Rhadiel sat there…he felt kind of betrayed; his brother got him up early in hopes of doing something cool, only to tell him they would be doing something important tomorrow. His brothers were always kind of odd.
He shrugs it off and opens the doors of his room to the hall. Rhadiel walks briskly down the hall. The royal blue rug going down the long stretch of hallway did not muffle the sounds of his feet echoing against the floor. He reached the end of the hall, and continued down the stairs to right. His hand glided along the railing as he descended, he met his eldest brother, Dycegard. His brother was wearing his usual blue robes, with his fencing sword at his side. “Hello there, little brother. I trust you slept well last night?” His brother asked. Rhadiel answered back with a simple nod.
“Come here, I have something for you.” Dycegard said. He walked into the main room, and a well sized box was sitting on the table. Rhadiel sat down on the sofa, and Dycegard sat in the arm chair. He lifted the box and handed it to Rhadiel, “Happy birthday little brother!” Rhadiel took the box, but was in shock. How in gods name could he forget it was his own birthday? He’s fifteen as of this morning. Rhadiel slowly opened the box to reveal a shining long sword resting in red velvet. At its side was the blades scabbard. He took up his newly claimed sword, it was fairly light, only 10 or 12 pounds. “Do you like it?” Dycegard asked. “Since your fifteen, Lexan wants to start training your swordsmanship.” Rhadiel held the sword in his hand. So that’s what Lexan wants to help him with…

[Zingo]

Rhadiel, this is some really good stuff. Be careful so noone goes and steals it away from you!

Based on how much crappy fantasy literature that gets published you can Easily get this out in the stores And by that I don't say this is rubbish, quite the opposite actually.

[Angel]

Since you posted it here I reckon this could count as copyrighted so that no one can steal it anyway...you've got date and time-stamped proof here that you posted it before them

Alternatively, print it out and mail it to yourself but don't open it - the poor man's copyright

[cometojames]

hey do we all get a free copy of the book and when will it be reliased
is it long??
brilliant by the way

[Rhadiel]

maybe . and thx guys, i dont really know if im going to put up any more of the book tho. i might post a couple of random paragraphs here and there but thats it.

[cometojames]

awww well good luck. we are all right behind u on this one