The real version of Fable

rewasandcookie · 06-28-2008, 08:09 PM

all you played fable now but it was the fake version. I have stol...i mean borrowed the real one here it is

Part one: childhood and appranticship

Ok well you start out as a boy who wonders around a beach in his village. you see a wasp and you kill it then maze falls from the highest tree on the beach which was the one standing next to you. He says that you are ready for the guild of heroes becuase you killed a baby wasp. So he teleported both of them to the guild. But maze was a powerful magician and had a burrito for lunch that while they were teleporting he farted and apparently killed and burned down the whole village. ANYWAYS you sleep at the guild and the next morning you wake up to find a blond chick saying you need to find the guildmaster. Then apparently she thought a tree was the guild master hit her head on it and fell into the lake. Never trust blondies!! So then what you basically do for the next 8 years of your life is hit a dummy with a sword, search for the guildmaster not chatching on that he is always in the map room, and watch the blond chick try to cut down a tree with a her stick. Except for that one time that you killed a guys goldfish and he tried to kill you but you accidently tipped over a candle setting him on fire and bumping him causing him to fall out a 13 story high window into some spicks that were being tested becuase the blond chick thought they were too pointy and needed to be flatter. So then you after you make maze another burrito and punch him in the face for killing a squirl you gradiuate. And you were so happy you threw a birthday party to a tree for being 3 months old already. But when you saw the tree didnt want to eat its cake you made the blond chick chop it down with her stick

I will be releasing more of these until i get to the end of fable the lost chapters

Zquad · 06-28-2008, 08:56 PM

Lol!... Can't find any words for this

rewasandcookie · 06-28-2008, 10:34 PM

part two: The raid of Bowerstone

Well when i looked at the map table there was a bunch of quest cards that i could not take becuase i didnt have enough renown so hit the guild master in my anger and he said that i shouldnt do that so i went up to the highest hill and took the magic elevator to Avo's house and started beating him over the head with hammer. Then he really got ticked off and threw me over the side of the cloud where i crashed through the roof of the guild. Apparently that got me enough renown to take the quests but they were gone becuase some jerk took them or they became invisible. So i took the stupid quest card and walked out and went into the region were little devil flying kittens were invading. After i bashed them with my hammer a giant flying cat fell from the sky who coughed up more devil kittens who started clawing at my legs. Then i heard the guildmaster say in my mind that i had a boomerang. Let me say that again. I spent half an hour trying to kill a flying cat with a hammer when i had a boomerang which i knew nothing about. But then of course one of the cats stole it and hit the self destruct button killing all the devil kittens and the giant cat. Then i was sad for my lost boomerang. So then i started hopping over to bowerstone where maze told me something that involved pepsi and then farted and teleported out. But when he did that i got thrown into someone's window who called the guards. I really didnt have much of a choice since there were 15 guards behind me so i jumped out the window landing in some guys tent then started climbing a wall where i saw the wright brothers building a helicopter so i stole it but it didnt have any gas in it so it crashed into 3 building before exploding as i ran out the front door of bowerstone. I was only there for 5 minutes and now the town was on fire and i was a wanted criminal then i went back to the guild to find out Brian Hose was taking a quest card i didnt have enough renown of that somehow dissappeared then re-appeard. Then i hit the guildmaster again...

Dragon_Disciple · 06-29-2008, 01:22 AM

I believe I have just contracted the Stoopid. Now I urge for a Pepsi and burritos.

Nah, I'm only kidding. Or am I. Who can tell. Nice story though. I wonder what will happen to the Darkwood Traders.

rewasandcookie · 06-29-2008, 02:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dragon_Disciple

I believe I have just contracted the Stoopid. Now I urge for a Pepsi and burritos.

Nah, I'm only kidding. Or am I. Who can tell. Nice story though. I wonder what will happen to the Darkwood Traders.

I have no idea really but i have a funny thing planned for twinblade

Jester. · 06-29-2008, 02:55 AM

fail.

rewasandcookie · 06-29-2008, 02:57 AM

Part 3 coming up soon and it did not fail....yet

rewasandcookie · 06-29-2008, 03:18 AM

Part 3 Candy land Pickles and Jackson's Warriors
So after beating up the guildmaster i took a quest for orchard farm becuase they had chickens. But when i arrived they had no chickens only the Micheal Jackson's Assitant's Warriors that were attacking becuase they wanted the boxes which i just noticed. i cant belive i havent noticed them sooner. whoa they are huge! never saw boxes that big. how did they get THAT big? is that even possible? yep those are some huge boxes. I mean like what do you do feed them or something? I mean my god look at the size of those things. I bet a Sumo Wrestler could fit in there and that wouldnt even be that tight. Ive seen some pretty big boxes but these.. these are HUGE! what do you hold in them a city? my god... ANYWAYS i flew (literally) into the farmer's house and got some of..... Dr. Kiener's Dental Floss Extreme of White teeth that Shine and Make others Feel Shiny Too and tied it to 2 trees and made all of Jackson's Assitant's Warriors trip. Then the blond chick fell outa they sky and said who ever falls to the ground first wins. Then of course she started pogo sticking around me always trying to get my toes. After a few minutes i swung my hammer and she flew into the farmer's house. After a few yells and pounds and smashes she was thrown out the window and hit a really big rock and from that rock she fell into a nearby slide in which the end faces up, so she went down the slide and was thrown up into the air. Then she she landed in a tree hitting every branch there was then landing on the ground with a perfect split. Then she looked me in the eyes and then spoke with the voice of Britney Spears : "I...will...get you....some....day....may ...be...to...mor....o.... or....the....next.....day ....or....year and fell down. Then two of micheal jackson's warriors came and put her in a coffin and carried her away. Then in a few days i took another quest card to orchard farm with the blond chick. THAT time they had chickens but i couldnt look at them for long becuase PICKLES!!! thats right pickles. Oversized blue, white,red, or purple pickles with hands, feet, clothes, hammers, axes, and giant lolly-pops that shoot gumballs that when hit something explode in a sour blast of juice! In other words you get hit your dead. So i started killing them and seeing as the blond chick was killing more i let her damage some then stole her kill. When she really got annoying i forgot about the candy land pickles and started beating her up. Then we left with another 50 or 60 candy land pickles still standing we told the farmer we killed them all and then he went to check on it. DUN DUN DUN!! we also said that the blond chick fell into a lake with Micheal Jackson's Warriors in it to explain her face...(catchy theme music starts)

Arseface · 06-29-2008, 04:35 AM

Lol... In a world of carefully constructed jokes and thought out puns, sometimes you just want to read something completely stupid.

Still it would be better if it was more satirical of Fable, rather than just stupid.

rewasandcookie · 06-29-2008, 05:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Arseface

Lol... In a world of carefully constructed jokes and thought out puns, sometimes you just want to read something completely stupid.

Still it would be better if it was more satirical of Fable, rather than just stupid.

Ill take some thought into that...

rewasandcookie · 06-29-2008, 05:15 AM

Part 4: the land of the candy land pickles
Ok so after the orchard farm thing some old lady wanted me to do something for her. Of course she was too lazy to come to the guild through the dangerous forests where lots of bad things live so i had to walk all the way to her house. I mean she has legs i think she can walk. So when i got to her house she said her a boy has gone missing then she gave me a pretty stone and shut the door in my face. I wanted to break down that door and let her have it right there, but either she was Thunder in diguise holding that door down or that door must be some pretty strong wood. So then i walked into this very very dark cave where blue mushrooms grew and the candy land pickles roamed around. So i when i entered it some little girl was screaming for help. So i went into one room where the voice was coming from killed all the devil pickles and saw a cage with some guy in it. Let me repeat some words from the last few lines shall we? Some little girl was screaming for help and saw a cage with some guy in it. Get the idea? So i let him go and he started making excuses of why he was in there while i just left him and went off into the cave. Then the pickles started popping out of the ground. Like one minute im walking down a beautiful, dark, slimy cave when all these short things come out of the ground (or the sky (but i dont think thats possible since the sky is not visible(but there maybe a hole or something) but who knows?) but who cares about that these days they are here who cares how they got here) and started attacking me. After bashing them all with my new (story of me getting a new hammer will never be revealed) hammer oh and heres the story of the new hammer thing. Well i walked into bowerstone looking for a new hammer. But for some reason they blacksmith couldnt shut his mouth from laughing just becuase the hobbes in orchard farm burnt my pants so when i finally got him to sell me the hammer i hit him over the head with it and ran away before he got up to yell. So when i got to the last chamber a boy was trapped and was going to be sacrificed to Micheal Jackson's pets. Then a fairy popped out and started talking but before it could finish i smashed it in the head with a hammer since i dont like speeches then she started giggling and throwing balls of ice cream at me. Then i noticed that i had ANOTHER boomerang. I swear to god one more time and... anyways the fairy lifted me up into the sky when i made boomerang go boom with self destruct. Somehow i didnt die but the ice cream fairy dissapeard. Then a whole bunch of candy land pickles started throwing more gumballs at me while i just ran out of the cave stopping by to say hi to the bandit i rescued from the cage (who got killed by a gumball). Then when i gave the lazy old lady who gave me around 5600 gold to save a child when she was too lazy to go into that dark dangerous cave where candy land pickles and hobbes roamed the land killing anything they see. But after i gave the child back he started stealing from the lady while she yelled for him to go do his chores while he ran off into the woods. The boy also said it was they LADY'S fault he even went in there. Ok so lets review. She had me go into a dangerous dark cave with horrible pickles and hobbes when she could have done it herself since it was HER fault then she made me bring back the child for him to only run off into the cave AGAIN. Nice ain't it?

Zquad · 06-29-2008, 09:45 AM

Lol.

rewasandcookie · 06-29-2008, 07:30 PM

Part 5: Darkwood
After the cave madness i spent some time around greatwood lake throwing my boomerangs (which kept reappearing on my back) into traders. Then the blond chick past by and i threw one at her and she said something about the trees to stop throwing leaves at her. Soon i picked up a darkwood quest where i had to take two traders across a dark forerst. So i met up with the traders who looked like they just saw Micheal Jackson and so we walked on. I didnt get 3 feet before another trader came by who said he got bitten by one of Micheal Jackson's pets. So i let him tag along even though one of the original traders kept complaining of how he might transform into one. The rest of the trip was pretty boring just walking and getting attacked by bandits who also got mauled by Micheal Jackson's pets and really i ran past them and let the traders get hurt. Well anyways at the last region i was about to walk through a cave when a fat man popped out of the ground like a mole and started throwing rocks at me. After i played whack the mole with him and he went into the ground for the last time the trader who got a close encounter with Micheal Jackson's pets transformed and pounced on another trader and starting sliting his throat. I normally would come in there and save him but the trader that was getting mauled was also the one who kept talking about what hes gonna do if he survives and how we will never get out of this. So i left him to die or whatever Jackson's pets do to people and took the last trader to Barrow Fields. Of course the minute i finished the quest the second trader tripped, thats tripped not pushed by me even though i was standing right next to him and put my foot out it was HIS fault he should watch were he was going, and fell over the bridge into the river and fell down a waterfall with real pointy rocks. Then i spent a night in oakvale. But at night that trader that tripped came to my house and tried to kill me when i thought he was dead so he ended up being set on fire (fireplace) and being tossed into the ocean over a 100 foot high cliff with pointer rocks at the end. That's how i spent my summer vacation...

happie · 07-02-2008, 09:00 PM

ok hi people i am rewasandcookie just on a new account so ill continue on this account...and sorry for da wait i was doing something else so here is part 6

Part 6: Witchwood's Elves
After a few days i stopped by at the guild becuase i really wanted to take someone into battle to fight with me but when we were cornered all they did was stand around talking to each other as if they were blind. So i basically let them die and ran off. So i was looking for someone new when the guildmaster spoke through the microphone in my head that maze wants to see me. So i trotted up there and he said that i get to go on an island to find his pet elf. So teleported over there and was walking down a path when a wall started talking about finding out his name. Then either used reversed psycology or was really stupid but he said that the one guy who knew his name was on the top of the temple of avo so after climbing up 353 steps i got to the top there was a letter saying that the guy was actually down near the entrance. So i fell off the top into a bush smashed the guy's head with a hammer and went on trying to figure out his name. After i figured out that the stone's letters were ITSH i hit them in the order to be a naughty word then i started getting mauled by an invisible avo. After i figured out it was micheal jackson's pets behind me i threw them off the cliff and spelled hits by accident and the next thing i knew i flew over to the door. So i walked inside the cave and maze's pet elf got ticked off that i killed his talking wall and ran away. So after going to the guild to complain i found a quest to rescue the elves of witchwood from jackson's pets. So i found the elves banging their heads at the largest door i have ever seen. So i killed all of Jackson's pets except this huge one who started to slap me in my face. Then i hit it in the head with a hammer and it ran off. Afterwards the guy in charge and i ran up the hill to get a pretty sliver stone that i was supposed to put in my weapon to kill the pet. But i didnt and still killed the huge one and all of its bodyguards after getting mauled. So after coming back to the elf village with one leg and three arms the chief said something about a letter and threw a book and a letter in my face... then i started punching him.

happie · 07-08-2008, 05:32 PM

Part 7: What I did in my spare time
somehow after punching him for 3 days the chief still didnt die so i started hitting him with my hammer for another 2 days and that didnt help either. I swear that guy was on steroids or something. Then i went to oakvale which apperently is such a poor defended town that when i came there everyone was dead and all the houses burned down with one wasp flying around. Now at that moment I thought that everyone killed all the other wasps and this one just killed the last guy but i didnt see any other wasp bodies around. Now think about it. After being burned down 7 times by bandits, monsters, and maze's digestion a man would think that a village could survive a one army wasp attack but it didnt. So i didnt bother to kill the wasp becuase it suddenly flew into a tree and maze fell on it from the tree. Then the devil teleported to the guild and 50 guards came out of nowhere accusing me of killing everyone. Just becuase i have horns, my weapon is bloody, and there is a red cloud of skorm knows what floating around me does not mean i actually killed all of these people. And for Avo's sake i had a halo sitting on top of my head not those spicks which are never bathed. So i ended up spending all my money and getting thrown out of town. I went to search for gold around albion but i couldnt find any becuase i opened every chest there. So i became sneaky and made myself a chest out of a bridge while traders where on it and they all fail at walking across a bridge. So i put 1 mil gold in that chest that my wife gave me then i opened it and got the million gold. But then some trader walked by and took the mil gold and said it was his. So i made that again but this time with 2 mil but then a guard came by and said you cant have more than a mil of gold in your chest becuase the max is 1999999. so i killed him and put in 2 mil anways.