The twisted wish

[Solus]

Granted but it stops immediately after

I wish I hadn't drank my entire supply of jack daniels last night

[Angel]

Granted - it drank you instead.

I wish I didn't have to have photos taken of me today

[Arseface]

Granted. You have to have paintings taken of you instead. By bad artists.

I wish my friends didn't hate me

[Angel]

Granted - now they are all madly in love with you and stalk you and it's all a bit unnerving to say the least...

I wish my train tickets would hurry up and get here

[FableFreak]

Granted, but they go to the wrong place

I wish I could meet some of the people on this forum in real life

[Angel]

Granted but the only person available is me. Sorry.

I wish my computer didn't need more RAM or whatever the hell it's called...

[Arseface]

Granted. It needs a new monitor, so now you can't see anything. And to make it worse you get a whole new computer that can play any game ever, and has no monitor plug

I wish I had dinner now.

[Solus]

Granted, bit its still alive

I wish I had a faster DVD burning program

[Angel]

Granted - it's so fast that it literally burns your DVDs. Fire fire etc.

I wish the books I just bought were not costing £125

[Solus]

Granted, but now you have to pay £1,000,000,000 for them

I wish I had a penny

[Angel]

Granted. I shall assume you mean a penny in the sense of "spending a penny" and therefore you get peed on. Yummers.

I wish I had more cash

[Solus]

Granted, but you can never spend it

I wish I understood brit-speak

[Angel]

Granted but it does you no good as only Brits understand it and you become ostracised by your entire country for speaking the way we do.

I wish I'd accepted the doctor's offer of morphine...

[Solus]

Granted, but you give it all to me

I wish for two pennies!

[Angel]

Granted. You must really like getting peed on...

I wish I didn't have over 189 books to scan, page by page, each four times over...