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What Is Wrong? (Short Love Story)
Old 12-23-2008   #1
Hermit
What Is Wrong? (Short Love Story)

In the perspective of a father who loves his daughter in a more mature way, he knows its wrong/sick he fights himself to contain it. I pity him, you may hate him, you may not care, but please do enjoy this piece.

This was written from a writing duel from an acquaintance of mine, he said we should swap writing styles for a singular story, he believes me good at fight scenes, so he wrote a battle story, and I done a love story to the best of my ability.

This was written in a half hour, casual work, pure flow it was, please enjoy it.
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What Is Wrong?

I watched her for what seemed a decade for what was a decade, I loved her, she loved me but not for the way I yearned her to. For many years I've watched her grow, watched her laugh, stopped her tears, lavished her with attention & gifts; she always replied with lies in her eyes, clearly tiring of my attempt.

I stare as she grows. Looking at that despicable fiend, such a sick demon stands affront me, such a dark member looks in the mirror, and I look back at myself; "What is wrong with me" I ask.

"Eyes away!" I roar.

"Could I not?" I tempt.

"No." I firmly told I.

My head falls, tears well, but the water does not fall they strengthen and hold themselves back as she runs into my arms.

"How was your day?" I ask her, forcing my self into new thought. She giggled, "it was ok daddy, but I don't like my new teacher."

I choke to summon a smile, while brushing the hair out of her eyes, "lets go home, mums got dinner on the stove" I say.

"Will you ever tell anyone about us?" I ponder at myself.

"I can't." I growl.

"You can't hold out forever, we will have her." He stabs me with words.

Speechless I grow, “go away” I beg.

"Silence of me is silence of yourself" I laugh cruelly.

"I am not you, I am not a we" I voice, with strange glares from her.

My head shakes in regret, in denial, I arrive with her at her mothers, I leave to my ale my blessed poison, my beloved thought ending friend.

I gulp the drink "what am I, what is wrong with me" I ask.
_________

Hermit
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Re: What Is Wrong? (Short Love Story)
Old 12-23-2008   #2
Dentie
Re: What Is Wrong? (Short Love Story)

nice story + rep
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Re: What Is Wrong? (Short Love Story)
Old 10-01-2009   #3
Dr Doom
Re: What Is Wrong? (Short Love Story)

Very nice story. Romantic, intense, and a little bit sad.

Although, it could have been ended better. It could have ended that his mind took over him and he ended up doing stuff he didn't want to do. It would make it much more 'oh my I must read on' in a kind of way.
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Re: What Is Wrong? (Short Love Story)
Old 10-04-2009   #4
Dr Doom
Re: What Is Wrong? (Short Love Story)

Why no-one post here.
Join my RPG- Halo Rpg
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Re: What Is Wrong? (Short Love Story)
Old 10-04-2009   #5
Hal
Re: What Is Wrong? (Short Love Story)

stop spamming!!! Why is nobody reporting him?
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